Amber, Our Muse -Suicide Awareness
She is a rebel soul, Who lives in her own state of
You see my dear friends,
They can not be broken-
And you just can't tame,
Those souls who are
meant to be free.
You are our muse,
You are our poetry.
Giving the eulogy at my childhood friends funeral was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Something I never ever imagined I would have to do.
Depression is a horrible indescribable disease.
It's something that those of you that don't suffer from it can't possibly understand.
It doesn't care if you are a good mother, an amazing wife, a beautiful daughter or a fun friend. Amber was all of these things are more. It is an overwhelming darkness that can come at you out of nowhere and knock you down harder that you ever have been before. One minute you are fine and the next its a full blow sucker punch to the face. It's that whisper in the back of your head, gently tapping on your shoulder telling you that you will never be enough.
I've been asked several times if I was mad at her or if I thought what she did was selfish. No.
I don't think my friend was selfish.
She was the exact opposite of selfish.
She cared too much.
She worried too much.
She held the weight of the world on her shoulders and she trudged though the mud - trying to do it all herself, trying to be strong all by herself, not wanting to burden others with her problems. She trudged on trying to be the strong one until the weight eventually broke her.
She was far too strong for far too long.
I'm not mad at my dear friend -
My heart aches because she hurt so badly.
My spirit is crushed because she felt that the world would be better off without her in it.
Maybe you feel like she felt. that the things you have done or are doing are far too much to be forgiven.
Or that feeling that you will never be enough,
that you will never be able to do enough,
or fix enough.
Please know there is Hope.
The hope I have is not a wish or a dream.
The hope I have is a solid assurance.
An assurance that we are all loved and all forgiven for the things we have done, are doing or will do.
Grace is a free gift given to anyone, you just have to be willing to accept it.
You may make mistakes, but please know-
YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE.
Please help me honor my friend and help others by taking a few mins and watch my eulogy at her service.
It's on my Facebook page and should be public. I can't figure out how to upload it here- but will do so as soon as I can.
You have my permission to share.
If you know anyone that has struggled or is struggling with depression- Or- if you or anyone you know has been affected by suicide or depression-
Please like, comment, tag them in it, share this post and share this video with them.
There is always hope.
Someone can always help.
You are not too far gone.
You are not a burden.
Suicide National Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Online Chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
Both Available 24/7