I’d like to think of my self as a pretty non-judgmental person. Not much surprises me anymore, as I have been though the ringer in life.
I’m very willing to give people the benefit of the doubt based upon life’s circumstances.
I’ll see a kid screaming in the grocery store and instead of rolling my eyes, like my 20 year old self would have done, I say to myself, “oh that poor mama has probably had a rough day.” If we happen to make eye contact I’ll say “Oh my little one does the EXACT SAME THING, hang in there mama it will get better!”
But something happened when I got down here on vacation in Naples. I became super self conscious and kinda judgmental towards the people here. I literally had to snap myself out of it yesterday.
People here have more money than they know what to do with!
I have never seen so many Porches, Range Rovers, Bentleys, Maseratis, or Teslas in one place!
Everyone is so put together. Their make-up is all done up, beautifully styled hair & the women are dressed to the 9’s in bright colorful beach clothing.
I’m over here still in hibernation mode, pasty white legs (which are now sunburnt) and pretty muted, not very colorful clothing. Along with my HUGE wavy frizzy, beach hair & don’t even get me started on the humidity, putting on makeup is the LAST thing I want to do!!
I quickly felt out of place.
I kept thinking to myself, people are probably starring at me & making fun of me. It started to really get to me.
It brought me back to a time in my life where I didn’t like myself very much. Always trying to please others, do what society expected, or what others told me I should be doing, instead of doing what just made me comfortable & happy.
All the girls are in their cute little bikinis and I’m over here in my mom tankini, thinking- “ugh!! I should have brought a different swim suit. You know, that cute little one, the one where the second I get up & move around,
I fall out of it & flash people! Yeah, that one.” Then I sigh and remind myself how extremely comfortable my mom tankini is- and how I don’t have to worry about flashing people in it.
I got really angry getting dressed yesterday, Which rarely happens to me anymore. I have gotten really good at dressing & shopping for my body type. Not to mention, where I currently live- Hancock MI- The style for the last 8 months has literally been jeans, a hoodie, Sorrels and a warm coat!
That is what everyone wears and that is honestly what I have felt most comfortable in. I think went through a bit of a culture shock here!
I yelled out to my hubby, who was anxiously waiting for me to get ready-
I have NOTHING to wear. (Not true)
NOTHING fits me anymore! (Not true)
I HATE my body! (Not true)
NOTHING fits my chest , it drives me crazy!! I can’t find ANY cute flattering clothes that don’t show off my cleavage!! I WANT A BREAST REDUCTION!!!!! (Eh, Somewhat True)
Then the REAL truth came screaming out - literally.
“The people down here make me feel bad about myself!
I feel like they are judging me, & making fun of me behind my back.
I feel frumpy! I feel out of place, I DON’T BELONG HERE!”
My hubby, the amazing person that he is - says,
“Well, lets just go shopping! I’ll help you pick out a few pieces of clothing that will look good here and back home!’
Me: “I have NOTHING TO WEAR TO THE MALL TO GO SHOPPING!!!”
Obviously, I was being ridiculous. But it is how I felt at the time.
Isn’t it funny how a change in the environment can make your perception of the world around you change? I went back to the girl that I was in my 20’s. That self conscious girl who worried what others thought. That girl who wanted to be just like everyone else. That girl who didn’t want to get looked at for being out of place. But the TRUTH is-
I AM OUT OF PLACE HERE.
And that’s OKAY!
We aren’t rich.
We don’t have enough money to buy a Maserati.
We don’t wear fancy schmancy clothes.
It’s not who we are.
I like who we are.
I had to remind myself of that!
I like our little Honda Accord
I like my jeans, flip flops, & T-shirts.
I’m comfortable that way!
I had to give myself a little pep talk, “JANET, JUST BE YOU!”
And those people that I THOUGHT were judging me.
Who cares what they think? I reminded myself that I don’t base my self worth and self esteem on what others opinions of me are. I base my self worth on who God says I am.
I was judging them. Thinking that they were probably thinking that they are better than me. But in reality, are they? Are they thinking that? Just because they dress a little nicer? Probably not. And if they are? Who cares! Were they judging me? Who knows?
But I do know ONE thing -
I was being the judgey one.
I was judging that they were judging me.
Don’t let the things that you PERCEIVE, that others are THINKING make you CHANGE who you are. YOU ARE YOU. You are the only you. You are the youiest you there is! Your differences, your personality & your style are what make you stand out! They make you unique. Don’t let any one dim that because of your desire to fit in someone else’s parameters.
If you need me, I’ll be over here, ENJOYING my time at the beach in my gym shorts, tank top and flip flops. Me- just being ME!